We interrupt today's blog post to bring you this public service announcement.
Do you or someone you know like soccer?
You may be asking yourself "what can I do to stop this?"or "why did this happen to me?". Well, ask no longer. We are here to help.
Your first line of defense should be to suggest a better activity. If the person is dead set on the level of excitement that soccer provides you can suggest other things to do that are just as exciting. Perhaps check the comedy channel. If you're lucky Rita Rudner will be doing stand up. If someone who is actually interesting is on worry not. Check your local neighborhood area. If you're lucky there may be some paint drying that they could watch.
If said person is determined to watch sports you should attempt to make them watch something better, such as football. If they aren't happy with the level of strategy and thought that goes into a game of football you should suggest to them that they watch basketball instead. Sure, NBA isn't much better, but at least people score points in basketball.
They may complain to you that the court is too small. If this happens tell them to try watching some Aussie football. It's got a lot in common with soccer. It has a large field of play, the average player runs several miles in the course of the game and there are few breaks in the action. Take this opportunity to point out the advantages that the AFL has over soccer. These include, but are not limited to: games being stuck at a 0-0 tie for usually less than 3 minutes as opposed to 90 and overtime, people who attempt to flop and dive are laughed at and the game doesn't stop anyway, their uniforms aren't trying to sell you insurance cell phones or stereos.
Thank you for your time and we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.