Adventures in two wheel drive

So I finally went down to pick up my tires for my car today. I borrowed my nephew's pickup truck to do it and I almost wish I hadn't. It was a downright scary experience if I do say so. I had quite a drive to make. It was right around 80 miles to central Connecticut. Connecticut, by the way, is in a perpetual state of construction. Just letting you know in case you ever need to go there.

The first thing I noticed about driving the truck was that the light half bed he has on it doesn't do much for traction and for the first time in quite a while I experienced wheel spin. For the past two years I've been bouncing back and forth between my AWD car and a motorcycle with a 70cc engine, so the very idea of wheel spin is just right out. Not so with this truck. Even though it has very little in the balls department it's got no problem whatsoever in jumping sideways around a corner or sitting there going nowhere as the revs go up (and as the speedo says so are the Ms per H) but I can swear that tree over there on the side of the road isn't getting any farther away. I make a note of this and try taking it easier on takeoff.

His truck also has this funny thing I call shit for brakes. He didn't warn me of this, but I guess I should have guessed from the fact that th brake light was on. They've got this really weird habit of doing nothing then nothing them more nothing as you press the pedal down. Gradually the brakes will start to work a bit. After a while though you hit a magical point at which the brakes seeming just lock right up. I didn't really know about that magical point though till I was on the highway doing about 65-70 when all of a sudden BOOM traffic jam. I start to hit the bakes with some urgency and ohh boy all of a sudden I'm slipping all over the lane, but luckily I managed to get the truck back under control before rear ending the guy in front of me. Not by much mind you, but I did it.

The traffic jam I hit was caused by either the fact that I84 was shut down for a few exits worth of road or a crash, I'm not really sure which. I passed by a car wreck as I jumped to the right hand lane to get the fuck off of the highway, but there was still traffic beyond the crash so I'm pretty sure that wasn't the cause. So here I was off the highway because the signs said I84 closed for however the fuck many exits it was closed for seek alternate route. Well damn, if I hadn't gotten my directions off of mapquest maybe I'd know how the hell to get around this. I actually did surprisingly well in finding that alternate route though. After cruising through Plainfield (or was it Plainville? I don't know) and Bristol (Hey look ESPN headquarters, I should drop in and tell them to stfu about Favre) I managed to hop back onto the highway beyond the part that is under such heavy construction that they shut it down. Naturally a few miles down the road I hit another traffic jam. 1 hour and 34 minute trip my ass.

Not too long after I finally get off all of the highways and as I approach my destination (after making a few wrong turns of course) I come to the realization that there are indeed some farms in CT. I always just assumed the whole state was just a suburb of NYC the same way that everyone else assumes that the rest of New England is a suburb of Boston. In no time at all I get to where I'm going. Success! The guy isn't there, but in the email he said the tires were in the driveway so I assume he meant to just grab them and go. I load up my tires and head back toward Mass with much fewer incidents of missing highway or possible death due to traffic jam/brake suckage mishaps. I did though see a person who might just be the unluckiest person on the highway that day. He was driving a nice blue-greenish two door car. It looked like a Honda maybe. But the driver side door was red. Clearly he had been in a collision recently and just hadn't gotten around to repainting his new door. That's probably a good thing though, because the place I saw said car was on the side of the road. And that shiny red door? Ohh it was crushed right the hell in. That poor bastard probably just got that door a week ago and already he's got to buy another one.

I was planning on getting the tires mounted today, but I got to the tire shop and the guy there tells me that their air compressor shit the bed and that after they get it fixed they were going to be playing catch up for the rest of the day and they can get to my tires on Monday. Eh, whatever. I'm in no major rush.

My mission complete I did what anyone in my position would do. I grabbed some Taco Bell and returned the truck to my nephew (along with a Nachos Bellgrande). Volcano tacos rule!

Taking this time to laugh

Go ahead folks, laugh with me at all the people who dropped $50-200 for one of these a month ago. Also, I'd like to wish Randy luck with the Titans, mainly because we're not going to be playing them so it couldn't really hurt us if they do well. I hope he has some really good games against Miami and the Clots, err, I mean Colts.

PSA

We interrupt today's blog post to bring you this public service announcement.

Do you or someone you know like soccer?

You may be asking yourself "what can I do to stop this?"or "why did this happen to me?". Well, ask no longer. We are here to help.

Your first line of defense should be to suggest a better activity. If the person is dead set on the level of excitement that soccer provides you can suggest other things to do that are just as exciting. Perhaps check the comedy channel. If you're lucky Rita Rudner will be doing stand up. If someone who is actually interesting is on worry not. Check your local neighborhood area. If you're lucky there may be some paint drying that they could watch.

If said person is determined to watch sports you should attempt to make them watch something better, such as football. If they aren't happy with the level of strategy and thought that goes into a game of football you should suggest to them that they watch basketball instead. Sure, NBA isn't much better, but at least people score points in basketball.

They may complain to you that the court is too small. If this happens tell them to try watching some Aussie football. It's got a lot in common with soccer. It has a large field of play, the average player runs several miles in the course of the game and there are few breaks in the action. Take this opportunity to point out the advantages that the AFL has over soccer. These include, but are not limited to: games being stuck at a 0-0 tie for usually less than 3 minutes as opposed to 90 and overtime, people who attempt to flop and dive are laughed at and the game doesn't stop anyway, their uniforms aren't trying to sell you insurance cell phones or stereos.

Thank you for your time and we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.