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Friday, October 22, 2010

What kind of name is that?

Ok, I really don't have too much of a leg to stand on with this mini-rant considering the fact that I drive a 3000GT, but what ever happened to cars having actual names? It used to be that people drove around in their Firebirds and their Novas and if they were really lucky their Corvettes or their Vipers, but these days everyone owns a CTS or an A8 or maybe a 328i or an SLS AMG F1 (there's a fucking mouthful). Jesus fucking christ, are we getting cryptic enough with our car names yet? I'm not entirely sure BMW has ever produced a car with an actual name.

I mean sure the Dodge Omni is a pretty lame name as well as the Kia Sephia (or any name Kia has come up with, really), but at least when someone tells you they own an Omni you can sort of picture what sort of car it might be and/or what sort of attitude the car is supposed to project from the name alone. When someone tells you they just bought a brand new Mustang you know damned well that bitch is going to get driven hard. And if someone else were to tell you they just bought themselves a used Subaru Legacy you're going to be like, ok enjoy your mellow all wheel drive conveyance and don't let those snow drifts scare you, they're your bitch. But what sort of image do you conjure up when someone tells you they just bought an A6, or a 730 or an SL2? I'm sort of drawing a blank here and you probably are as well.

Now I'm not bashing these cars mind you. I'd love to own an Audi and the legendary AWD drive train that comes with it, but the name it just uninspiring. If I ever find myself in the position of CEO of Audi I'll be putting a quick stop to this shit I tell ya. People won't be driving around their A8 anymore, they'll be cruising around in their Bonerwagon and maybe I'll call the A6 the Sisterfister. Give it some much needed attitude ya know.

Well, hope you enjoyed the rant. I feel better now.

(P.S. I think this is the blog post I forgot about the other day. The thought seems familiar. So now I don't have to keep wondering what that idea was.)

18 comments:

  1. You make an interesting point that I had quite fully considered since I was a kid. Haha. But you are completely dead on in that we are just moving on to a sorta serial number design. Strange...Maybe they are just running out of ideas?

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  2. You make some good points.. sometimes we just need to let it all out.

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  3. I find the majority of new car designs uninspiring anyway - this numerical classification they all have just adds to the blandness. Although in fairness audi and bmw have been naming cars with numbers for years, (Audi 100LS, BMW 2002).

    Also I would definitely drive a boner wagon.

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  4. i love 3000gt u're lucky man :O

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  5. I have a love/hate relationship with mine. When it's running and driving nice I like it, but I sure do have a good amount of problems with it and just getting it started is a bitch some days. It's fun though, all the aftermarket attachments have bumped it from a moderate 290HP to about 395.

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  6. they are cutting prices by not hiring a guy to come up with a cool name

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  7. What about FIAT?
    It called "Sedici"(16) one of its 4x4 cars ._."

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  8. Wow 3000gt! I drove a Saab 900 turbo.

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  9. People won't be driving around their A8 anymore, they'll be cruising around in their Bonerwagon and maybe I'll call the A6 the Sisterfister.

    Best. Quote. Ever.
    This is one damn fine rant.
    I totally agree with your opinion. It's really annoying to hear people talking about cars, going all like: "And I saw this cool 3251a but I'd like the h12414 myself"
    I'm not that much of a car fan, but still I'd like to know what damn cars they're talking about and maybe join in.

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  10. I don't know anything about cars. I feel stupid.

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  11. I want an Audimus PRIME >=D

    nice blog btw, come check out my music blog when you have the chance! :)

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  12. I'd buy a sisterfister for sure.

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  13. When I'm king of the world, I'll make you my royal automobile namer.

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  14. So the classisfieds section of todays paper (where they stick in automovie articles also) had an article about the BMW Z4 sDRIVE35i. Fuck you BMW! One tghe plus side though, they did manage to stick an actual word in there, but if my car was called the "Drive" I'd want to kill people.

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