Not dead yet

Just making a minor update to inform anyone who might actually care that I am in fact not dead. I've just had zero inspiration for writing here. I'm even mostly drawking blanks from Starcraft.

I'm a decent way into the Terran Missions now in Brood war, and being the sort of person I am I just had to beat The Emperor's Fall twice. Once against nukes and a second time against cruisers. I managed to use a shitload fewer resources the second time through because I used nukes against nukes and cruisers against cruisers (for the most part anyhow, I dropped a few nukes the second time through, but had a cruiser or two the first time). Turns out building about eight to ten crusiers is a shitload cheaper than dropping somewhere in the range of 100 nukes from 5 or so different silos, each with their own command center.

Then again I was just having fun with the nukes. Using them to take out the most minor shit imaginable. Two marines and a goliath? Drop a fucking nuke! A factory and a barracks need blowing up? Better drop three or four just in case! End game in each of the two missions was fairly similar. I fought them down to nothing then the first time through I dropped seven nukes on the emperor's center and the second time through I fired eight yamato cannons at his command center. I named the save filed I made before ending it Meganuked and Yamat0wned. Made me chuckle.

Well. I should be going to bed soon. Catch you later interbutts.

Check out this tasty sumbitch

Jesus fucking christ I love the volcano taco. I usually don't go for hard shell tacos, but with the volcano taco it's not so bad because by the time I get to where ever I'm going to actually eat the thing the volcano sauce has softened the shell just enough to make it perfect. The only problem I have with the volcano taco is that now I don't eat as many double downs or grilled stuft burritos because those are tasty too, but this volcano motherfucker is just so much tastier. I had two of them, a KFC snacker, a chicken burrito and a caramel apple empanada for lunch today and I want another several of them right the fuck now.

So, does anyone else love the volcano taco or is there something out there that *gasp* you think is better?

Top Gear U.S. edition

So I just finished watching the new Top Gear on the History channel. The show definitely has some potential. I don't know is Adam Ferrara was the right choice as one of the hosts, but he does seem to like his cars, so I'll give him a shot. As for the other two, Rutland (or however it's spelled) is a goofy name, but he seems like a pretty cool guy. The third guy, whose name I can't seem to remember at the moment also seemed like he could be interesting.

The first challenge was somewhat original. It was a race around town in a Viper while trying to keep away from an AH Cobra attack chopper. The chopper's objective was to get a missile lock on the Viper and kill it three times. Obviously no real missile were used, but it was pretty funny watching how flustered the guys in the car were when the third light lit up telling them they were toast.

The renamed the star in a reasonably priced car to "Big star, small car". I mean sure, it's descriptive, but if you're going to keep the weird challenges from the original, three goofy guys as host, The Allman Brothers' Jessica as the theme song and even get your own Stig why not keep the name of the celebrity segment the same? Eh, whatever. They had Buzz Aldrin on. Astronauts are just plain cool, so I was happy with that.

So I guess what I'm saying is that this show has some definite potential and I hope it sticks around. And I have no doubt it will. Does the History channel ever cancel anything?

So it turns out I got the wrong Palin

So I made a post a little while back about the possibility of Sarah Palin being a MILF. Generally speaking I don't much care for the term MILF (I mean, wouldn't the last thing you'd want to think about be who else has been in this hole, but on the way out, as you nail some chick?), but hey it sort of fits For this post. Turns out I was talking about the wrong Palin though.

Dem thighs!

So as it turns out that Bristol is the real MILF of the Palin family. I don't know about you, but I can forgive her for that goofy name as long as she struts around in these revealing clothes more. This hot piece of Alaskan ass has been in the news a bit lately due to her turn on Dancing With The Stars so I decided to check out a few of the videos of her dancing that can be found on the youtubes. She's actually a pretty decent dancer if I do say so, but when strikes me the most is the portion of her that resides between her belly button and her knees.

MOAR PLZ!

Yes, I am in fact, referring to DAT ASS!. Say what you will about her mom and how you'd totally not hit that, but there's no denying anyone would want a piece of Bristol's booty. Maybe if we're lucky she'll take her success with DWTS and see how far she can go with the whole non politics/teen motherhood related fame thing she's got going on right now. I sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing more of this little Eskimo honey and less of that Jersey shore bitch Snooki for instance.

And if all of this isn't enough this guy went ahead and shot his TV because he couldn't deal with how amazing Palin's fine tush was.

(On a somewhat related note, I realized like a day or two after posting it that the one pic of Palin I thought I had posted down below was ALSO Tina Fey. I guess that's why she looked pretty fine in that pic.)

J-E-S-T!!

Ok, so I'm pretty pissed about the New York Jest winning (at least the Gnats went down in flames), but I wanted to share this thought with you anyway. I hope that some day soon the Jest are playing in a downpour and Mark Sanchez gets sacked about four times and his uniform gets downright filthy. And if this happens and one of the commentators doesn't take the chance to say something like "Wow, it sure is muddy down there, just look how dirty Sanchez is." then I lose all faith in humanity.

(BTW, sorry about not updating lately, I wanted to post this yesterday, but my interbutts were down.)

Adun Turtlewax

Yeah, it's been a little while since I posted, sorry I was slacking. Anyhow, I beat original Starcraft and I'm on to Brood War now. In case you're wondering, the subject line is what I swear Dark Templar say when they come out of the gateway. All I can say right now about starcraft is that damn that Zeratul is a badass.

I'm going to try to come up with another humor post some time soon, but I've been totally drawing a blank as far as the funny goes. There's nothing good I can think of to write about.

Well, I'll catch you guys later.

An important point.

Ok so I feel there is something I should point out here about women and the ones guys would consider penising.

Sarah Palin, generally not one a guy thinks much about handing the pants kebab to on a regular basis although I must admit this is probably one of the hottest pics there is of her out there. So generally speaking she's in the DO NOT WANT camp, but occasionally I suppose yeah.

Tina Fey. Ok, now we're getting somewhere. She's got a damn fine set of legs and even has personality on top of good looks, so yes, DO WANT, but I must admit that it could certainly get better than Tina here.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin. Damned if I know why, but I would so totally wreck her shit all weekend long if she'd do the Palin thing. In the DO WANT vs DO NOT WANT this is definitely a DO WANT. In fact if given the opportunity I'd be saying "you betcha" I'd like a piece of that.

Silly rhyme

Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
Poem writes you

Random music silliness.

In the song Pepper by the Butthole Surfers there is mention of a football player rapist. This brings up several questions in my mind. First off are they referring to a football player who rapes people or a person who only rapes football players? If it's the later why choose to only rape football players? There are easier targets, many of them. Is this some guy who wants to show how badass he is by only raping football players? In the song it calls this person the ever present football player rapist, which makes me wonder how he'd have the chance to be alone with his victims if he's always around. I assume he'd have more company too. Did he just wait till it was dark so all the people around couldn't see who was doing all the raping? Ok, I think I've gone off on that one enough.

And now, concerning the song Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin. How the hell did Robert Plant convince the rest of the band to do a song about his penis? I could just picture Jimmy Page reading the lyrics and coming up the part where he talks about giving "every inch of his love" and he'd just stop reading, look Robert Plant square in the eyes and say "Is this thing all about your penis, eh?" and Robert Plant getting all defensive.

RP: NO!
JP: Well, then, what is it about then?
RP: Well, it's just another song about a hot chick, we do plenty of those. It just so happens that this hot chick has my penis in her.
JP: I still don't want to do a song about your penis.
RP: Next album we can do one about your penis.
JP: I don't want a song about my penis.
RP: We could do a song about your spleen then.
JP: Now that sounds better.
(And that's where Stairway to Heaven came from. It's actually all about Jimmy Page's spleen.)

My life for hire

Well, I'm sure you guys know where I am in game now thanks to today's subject. I beat the last Zerg mission yesterday (or the day before maybe) not too long after I did I my blog post for the day. I'm already four or five missions in and I must say that the Protoss aren't as strong as I remember them being. Maybe it's just because I haven't gotten all of the awesome units yet or the upgrade tree is too sparse at this point to be very powerful I don't know. All I do know is that I could swear they kicked a lot more ass than this.

One thing hasn't changed though. The Protoss are still STUPID expensive to play. I nearly ran out of money in one of the missions because I kept buying scarabs for the reavers which then just went and fired three at a whack at zerglings instead of at the sunken colonies I was aiming at in the first place. If I click on the sunken colonies you KILL THE FUCKING SUNKEN COLONIES alright? I guess not actually, but I wish that was the case. Well, thanks for wasting 45 minerals per zergling killed you stupid reavers. And then there was that other thing I remember about the Protoss. Needing so damned much space to build your base because nearly every single upgrade for a unit requires another building.

This picture prettymuch sums up my feeling on pylons and the amount of additional ones required to do ANYTHING.

Since you're here and still reading this. Wait, are you still reading this? I sure hope so, anyhow... I'd like to make an informal poll of sorts here. For those of you who have AdSense, how high is your Page eCPM and where in your page do you put ads? I noticed that my eCPM dropped like crazy recently so I did some digging around to find out what might've caused that and I think it was the fact that I changed my ad layout recently. I thought adding the links at the top would have done something good, but apparently not so I went to a banner instead. Hopefully that'll help. I left most of the rest of the page the same though. So, just drop that in the reply box if you'd be so kind. Thanks.

Adventures in two wheel drive

So I finally went down to pick up my tires for my car today. I borrowed my nephew's pickup truck to do it and I almost wish I hadn't. It was a downright scary experience if I do say so. I had quite a drive to make. It was right around 80 miles to central Connecticut. Connecticut, by the way, is in a perpetual state of construction. Just letting you know in case you ever need to go there.

The first thing I noticed about driving the truck was that the light half bed he has on it doesn't do much for traction and for the first time in quite a while I experienced wheel spin. For the past two years I've been bouncing back and forth between my AWD car and a motorcycle with a 70cc engine, so the very idea of wheel spin is just right out. Not so with this truck. Even though it has very little in the balls department it's got no problem whatsoever in jumping sideways around a corner or sitting there going nowhere as the revs go up (and as the speedo says so are the Ms per H) but I can swear that tree over there on the side of the road isn't getting any farther away. I make a note of this and try taking it easier on takeoff.

His truck also has this funny thing I call shit for brakes. He didn't warn me of this, but I guess I should have guessed from the fact that th brake light was on. They've got this really weird habit of doing nothing then nothing them more nothing as you press the pedal down. Gradually the brakes will start to work a bit. After a while though you hit a magical point at which the brakes seeming just lock right up. I didn't really know about that magical point though till I was on the highway doing about 65-70 when all of a sudden BOOM traffic jam. I start to hit the bakes with some urgency and ohh boy all of a sudden I'm slipping all over the lane, but luckily I managed to get the truck back under control before rear ending the guy in front of me. Not by much mind you, but I did it.

The traffic jam I hit was caused by either the fact that I84 was shut down for a few exits worth of road or a crash, I'm not really sure which. I passed by a car wreck as I jumped to the right hand lane to get the fuck off of the highway, but there was still traffic beyond the crash so I'm pretty sure that wasn't the cause. So here I was off the highway because the signs said I84 closed for however the fuck many exits it was closed for seek alternate route. Well damn, if I hadn't gotten my directions off of mapquest maybe I'd know how the hell to get around this. I actually did surprisingly well in finding that alternate route though. After cruising through Plainfield (or was it Plainville? I don't know) and Bristol (Hey look ESPN headquarters, I should drop in and tell them to stfu about Favre) I managed to hop back onto the highway beyond the part that is under such heavy construction that they shut it down. Naturally a few miles down the road I hit another traffic jam. 1 hour and 34 minute trip my ass.

Not too long after I finally get off all of the highways and as I approach my destination (after making a few wrong turns of course) I come to the realization that there are indeed some farms in CT. I always just assumed the whole state was just a suburb of NYC the same way that everyone else assumes that the rest of New England is a suburb of Boston. In no time at all I get to where I'm going. Success! The guy isn't there, but in the email he said the tires were in the driveway so I assume he meant to just grab them and go. I load up my tires and head back toward Mass with much fewer incidents of missing highway or possible death due to traffic jam/brake suckage mishaps. I did though see a person who might just be the unluckiest person on the highway that day. He was driving a nice blue-greenish two door car. It looked like a Honda maybe. But the driver side door was red. Clearly he had been in a collision recently and just hadn't gotten around to repainting his new door. That's probably a good thing though, because the place I saw said car was on the side of the road. And that shiny red door? Ohh it was crushed right the hell in. That poor bastard probably just got that door a week ago and already he's got to buy another one.

I was planning on getting the tires mounted today, but I got to the tire shop and the guy there tells me that their air compressor shit the bed and that after they get it fixed they were going to be playing catch up for the rest of the day and they can get to my tires on Monday. Eh, whatever. I'm in no major rush.

My mission complete I did what anyone in my position would do. I grabbed some Taco Bell and returned the truck to my nephew (along with a Nachos Bellgrande). Volcano tacos rule!

Thoughts on history.

We have the ancient Egyptians, they're definitely best known for the pyramids. They did other stuff too and a lot of people can name other stuff they did. They've got their Sphinx (which really isn't that much different in that it's a stone structure, but whatever), mummies, hieroglyphics and enslaving whole peoples to get this shit done.

Then maybe thoughts go to the Greeks. They were pretty big on making weirdassed myths with Zeus fucking all sorts of relatives after slaying his father. They were also pretty huge on architectural advancement. We all love their columns and decorative ways. Philosophy was pretty popular there and we still teach Plato and Socrates in schools.

Moving on we had the Romans. These guys were the original Empire, conquering most of the known world and the places they didn't conquer were still regarded as trading partners. They were pretty big on robbery, too. Stealing and renaming Greek gods. Taking their architecture (and adding the arch, wooo, arch).  Then they went and gave that up and took Christianity. I don't really know about that being a step up, but that's a different topic all together.

Then we've got the Venetians. Known world wide for giving us the Venetian blind. And... ummm. Well, nothing. These people were around for a damned millennium (apparently, I had to look that up) and all we can associate them with are little thingies that you twist around to keep the sun out. Which just goes to prove my point. Ask anyone to name anything the Venetians did besides making their popular window dressing and no one will be able to. Did they sail the seas? I dunno, maybe. Did they make any great strides in astronomy? It's possible. For all I know they could have been the first people to develop cold fusion (yeah, maybe not). But one thing's for sure. These guys knew their shit when it came to windows!

Taking this time to laugh

Go ahead folks, laugh with me at all the people who dropped $50-200 for one of these a month ago. Also, I'd like to wish Randy luck with the Titans, mainly because we're not going to be playing them so it couldn't really hurt us if they do well. I hope he has some really good games against Miami and the Clots, err, I mean Colts.

Yet another stupid thought.

So a new idea popped into my head recently. What if Microsoft had been run by the open source development guys right around 1990 or so? They already had their DOS operating system and it was rather successful so they decided to stick on a Graphical User Interface. Being open source type guys they would naturally have very little imagination when it came time to name their product so now way in hell would they have called it windows. They would have been like, "Well, it's just DOS with a GUI. We'll call it GUIDOS."

And GUIDOS would have been released to much criticism as any microsoft product is so they'd have given it add ons to make people want to buy it. They'd deck Clippy out in a wife beater, track pants and a few pounds of gold chain. Instead of the trash can you'd have Tony's waste management and the search box would have you click a button saying "find this shit, eh?" When the computer throws up a blue screen or other error, instead of actually telling you what went wrong or giving any info at all it'd just say "It's a Jersey thing". And of course the start up and shut down sounds would be club music samples.

For the record, yes, I did just watch the South Park episode in which Jersey takes over most of the US.

Monopoly silliness

So, McDonald's is (or was, I'm not really sure) doing their Monopoly promotion right now and it just reminded me of all the silly names we came up with for stuff in Monopoly. Hope you get a kick out of these:

Orimental
Vermin
Saint Chuckie's or Saint Chaz
Vagina (obv)
Saint Jimmy's
Tuna Sea
New Yak
Kenducky or Kenfucky
Body Odor railroad
Water Wanks
Mahvin Gahdins (done with a really overly bad Bostonian accent)
Shit Line
Badwick (I don't really know why we pronounced it that way, but we did.)

I could swear we had something for Pennsylvania too, but I don't remember it. Maybe it was Pennsylmania? No clue.

Life

Life has been silly lately.

I had to work today which sucks because I really wanted to see the rest of the Pats game. I missed the part where they floored Favre. The pics in the paper were funny though.

So work, right... I get to work and go to the locker room to change to my work clothes and I notice that my brown lowball glass full of pennies that I really only use as a place to put my car keys is gone. Some jackass swiped about a dollar worth of pennies from my locker and the glass it was kept in. Who the fuck even does that? Swiping pennies! And the real kicker is that they missed the two quarters that were right there. I don't give much of a damn about the change, the only thing I ever do with the pennies is toss them on the floor and chuckle when a coworker of mine picks them up and treats them like a discovered treasure motherload. I am however rather upset that the place I used to stick my keys is gone. It was their home! You took my keys' home you dickface!

The other thing that happened at work was that I finally got my review and a raise. My boss even said he felt my work over the past year was "excellent", something I don't think he's ever said. I didn't get the 3% because my boss prettymuch said that a raise of 3% of my wage would be a joke so I got more than that. Of course that more is also sort of a joke considering it's the first raise I've seen in like two years. *grumble grumble* fucking economy.

In other news I beat the Terran missions and am on the fourth zerg mission. That third mission is annoying if you ask me. They've got siege tanks with siege mode and the best I get are hydras and mutas? Lick my balls. And on top of that I actually came sort of close to needing the extra minerals that are near the enemy base towards the end of the map.

Well, that's about all for now. Catch you later interbutts.